DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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