alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
