mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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