I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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