i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
