You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
