Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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