; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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