That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
