We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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