I'm really into asian looking animals
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
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