All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
