if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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