it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
