My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
