I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
