from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
