dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
50% drunk capacity currently
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
