see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
