im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We had sex on a dog bed..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
