that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
