I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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