dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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