traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The Olympian is in my bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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