38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
