she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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