i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
