I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize