make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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