He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
