oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
