Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dick very happy bro
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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