People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
