He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
