Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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