Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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