I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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