apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize