wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
