this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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