I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize