I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The air was thick with penises
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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