you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
