My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
