So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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