In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize