he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
