i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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