dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She announced her abortion via fbk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
