I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
