My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
