I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
