I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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