I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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