It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize