i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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