So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
