you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
