Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
