Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
