you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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