so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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