I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
