Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
