More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
