first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
