Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
