She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
