I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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