I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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