Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
