im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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