took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
