so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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