alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
