this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
