I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
