Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
